I hate my mom and my oldest brother. My mom way suppose to take care of me and love me and want to encourage me to be a better person. My brother was suppose to be a brother. Love me and watch out for me and protect me. That's what is suppose to happen. I am not suppose to be 25 and still dealing with the hurt and pain that my so called family did to me. I want to be happy. I don't want to make love to my husband and have a trigger be set of when I was touched by another man or even my brother. Who wants to make love to their husband and think of their brother? Not me. Who wants to wants to go through life knowing that you'll never have a relationship with your parents? Not me. Who does that to their kids? Stupid selfish people that's who. People who have no idea that what they do and say has the biggest affect on people because they are suppose to be entrusted to them with their lives. So what's next for me? What am I suppose to do with the hurt and the pain and the visuals and the "feelings" that come my way everyday. I can't escape them. They are always there. I need to know who I am suppose to go another day living in a world where people like my mom and brother live free lives, never regreting what they did to an innocent harmless child. What am I to do now?
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4 comments:
Just keep doing what your doing Maybeline, your awesome and freaken hot. Ben is the best thing that has ever happened to you, dont let your tragic past ruin what you two have.
And also seek to be healthy and seek healing. You've already identified how your hurts and past unhealthiness effects your present-that's a HUGE step. Much of the time people ignore their past and pretend like the life they are living is normal, when it isn't.
Want more? Help Minnie and I start a Christian 12-step at TF. We've gone through about a half dozen different ones and we could help facilitate another one (or maybe 1 group for guys and another for gals). You're not alone. Minnie and I just have a few years on you-our past is a little farther back. Hmmmm...how timely...a way to deal with anger...
Healing is transforming. Healthy feels really good. Having power over the past is liberating. But it all starts with baby steps.
Thanks for being honest and vulnerable.
Irene,
I'm very sorry you're feeling this way. Please know that I'm praying for you. Keep working through all this junk; you're doing the right thing!
Love you and Ben,
Donnie
I agree... selfish is a good word. I have listened to a few others recently with similar stories. Keep sharing your story. Keep trying to heal.
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